Emotion and Leadership - Family Value

In my first semester, Leadership Management class, we were supposed to write a paper on Leadership Conundrum. When I started analyzing myself, I came up with my leadership conundrum. It goes like this, : "How can I learn to be more patient and control my emotions to become an effective and clear leader?" This problem is nothing new, I think these prevailing issues (patience and emotion) is very common, which each one of us faces in our day-to-day work life.
So, there was nothing new, or innovative I wrote in my paper, but through out the semester, I started looking at myself from a different prospective, which I had never done. I was inquisitive about 'myself' and tried to be 'self aware'. I have been in a leadership position for more than 5 years, during this period of time and my leadership class, I realized that the most important leadership attributes which I need to focus and try to improve would be to be more patient and effectively use my emotions at my work. The amalgamation of these unique skills along with my business and technical acumen (which I have gained in my eight years of work experience) will lead me to be a successful, effective and compassionate leader in the industry. "Emotion", to me is an important attribute in leadership which can make or break a leader. Having realized this, I wanted to know different types of emotions and effects of those emotions in my leadership career.The biggest challenge for me was "How do I balance my emotional intelligence and intellectual intelligence?". This was really the biggest challenge for me, to attain a correct balance between emotional intelligence (Need emotional skills/competencies to address challenge) and intellectual intelligence (Need cognitive skills/competencies to address challenge) in my professional as well as personal life. As defined by World book, Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the ability to understand oneself and to empathize with others. In general in my work experience I have seen that all the leaders (so called leaders!) tend to create an environment that emotion/feeling can not be a part of an efficient leader. This thought process is so widespread that all the co-workers and peers believe this and try to groom themselves believing this hypothesis.
On the other hand, I realized that I am way too emotional professionally and also when it comes to family matters. At first, this was kind of scary for me so I wanted to investigate more on this during our leadership class and during my interviews (I interviewwed few Corporate leaders on Emotions and patience) which were pretty much regarding emotions and its role in leadership/managerial roles. The good thing about the interviews and my readings about articles on emotional intelligence and intellectual intelligence were; I am now convinced that morally sensitive leaders are significant part of a healthy and growing organization and as we move up in the Organization Chart, the role of intellectual quotient reduces and emotional quotient increases. This was quite surprising for me and made me really happy that I was not on wrong track!
However, as I said earlier, I found a perfect balance between emotional and intellectual is very important, I am learning that as I move up in the leadership path, empathy and interpersonal relations will be very important in taking business decisions. As one of the people I interviewed said to me, in most of his recent decisions, when he included the human aspect (which is nothing but his feelings and used his emotional intelligent) to his decisions and tried to think about the decision rationally with his related work experience (intellectual intelligence), the results were significantly appealing, and amazing. In fact, he never realized this, until he started telling me about his experience, when I asked about the importance of emotional intelligent in leadership roles!
This kind of emotional approach in leadership style will lead me to become an ethical leader whose values are driven by mundane notion of trust.
One more thing which really interests me when I am thinking about emotions/compassions/ethics with regard to leadership; which is I believe a person who does not have a healthy personal life can not become an effective leader with clear leadership values. As for me charity begins at home. I believe if I can not be a good son/good husband/good sibling, then I can not be a good leader. I think I did bring this out during one of our class discussion too. If I possess empathy then I can only share empathy with others, or else I will be faking it or will find it hard to share. A person might act differently under different situations/environment (home/office) but his basic principles will remain same. Situations do change but principles remain same. I have two experiences which, kind of make me somewhat believe that I am right on this.
When I was in High School (12th grade), I had a physics professor, he was not married, and had no kids, and his behavior in class was completely different. He was ruthless, reclusive and he was nagging in his behavior. The way he used to treat his students was completely different than the rest of the professors.
The second one is one of my managers in my previous company was a divorcee with no kids. He is in his 40's with no social life and self centered. The only thing he knew was work (without any values and used to work just mechanically), I used to see that, as he does not have anyone at home waiting for him, he used to spend most of his time at work, and make his team stay late. His attitude towards life was very different than others. There used to be a wave of distrust within his team mates, with no clear vision, attrition was at its peak in his group. However, due to the fakeness in the organization and hypocrisy in the management (manipulative management) he sustains his job in the company. He posed like a leader, but in reality he was so far off from a true leader.
On the contrary, I have seen guys/girls who have a happy family life, are more cheerful and lively, full of compassion, and always look at the brighter side in life. For example one of my managers and his wife both used to work in the company, and had one son. I could tell he had a very happy and prosperous family life. And his attitude towards his team was very compassionate, he will try to understand concerns of each team member, he used to make sure that his employees are not over stressed. If someone in his team works over the weekend in order to meet a millstone, then he will make sure to ask that team member whether he would like to take a day off during the weekdays. This kind of healthy interpersonal relationship is highly motivating and creates strong ‘team dynamics'.
Here I am not concluding that a person with unhealthy family life can not be a clear and effective leader; however, would I certainly like to investigate more into this aspect as I feel this has a strong relationship with bringing an emotional aspect to leadership.
I would appreciate any comments...
Thanks
Sam